


Leveling The Playing Field

by batneko



Series: Laserbox AU [4]
Category: OK K.O.! Let's Be Heroes
Genre: Laserbox AU, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-26
Updated: 2020-03-26
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:28:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,935
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23323972
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/batneko/pseuds/batneko
Summary: All’s fair in love and villainy.Kind of a weird one folks! I wanted to write a fic on an outsider’s perspective to the laserbox situation, made a bunch of villain ocs, and instantly got attached to them.
Relationships: Lord Boxman/Professor Venomous
Series: Laserbox AU [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1677322
Comments: 5
Kudos: 61





	Leveling The Playing Field

Lower-tier villainy was a tough racket. You had to be either really strong or really smart (or, ideally, both) to even hope to survive. Getting _noticed_ was another matter entirely.

After years of being ignored, Jade Heart had done what many villains in the “smart” category did to hang on: sold her services. Top-tier villains had all the strength and the smarts they could ever want, what they _didn’t_ have was _time_. Minions, gadgets, death traps, vengeance curses. All of these could be devised by someone else and put to bad use by the big names. It kept you in the game, it kept you in the black, and it might – just might – get you in with the in-crowd.

At least, that was the theory. Jade Heart was still having trouble finding buyers more than a level or two higher than she was. They had money to spend like anybody else, but they didn’t bring her name recognition!

Now… now Jade Heart had a _plan._ She knew of one villain who’d started out at the same time she did, had skills in the same areas, and yet somehow was only getting more and more business. He’d practically cornered the market on robotic minions! It was luck, it had to be! There was no way _Lad Boxman_ had something she didn’t. No matter what he’d decided to call himself, or his business, he was still a box man.

If he was out of the picture, even if only for a little while, surely it would level the playing field. This was in the name of fairness! That’s all!

First she gathered information. It was always good to scope out the competition! Hardly stalking at all! Boxmore was in the middle of nowhere, but the construction on the other side of the highway had people coming and going all day, so Jade Heart was able to go relatively unnoticed. That little robot in the vest glanced at her drone a few times, but didn’t seem to mind it.

The security looked light – from the outside. Boxman would have death traps on all the obvious entrances as a matter of course, and probably a few more subtle ones as well. Jade Heart had ways around those, but it wouldn’t hurt to have a few… teammates to lead the way.

So next, she gathered a team. Other villains in similar situations, who would see the sense of this plan. Doctor Barbarian was an obvious one; they’d been roommates at Evil U and were still friendly. A few other names sprang to mind, eliminated one by one as Jade considered the needs of the mission and the potential personality conflicts.

After debating for a while Jade Heart decided to call Electriphant instead of the smarter-but-crazier option. She gave both him and Barb a quick rundown of her plan, and then arranged a group call to hash out the details.

“Are you nuts?” was the first thing Doctor Barbarian said.

“No!” Jade exclaimed. “This can work!”

“What’s the point?” Barb asked. “Just because he’s doing pretty well-”

“ _Very_ well,” Electriphant said. “I’ve lost three contracts to him this year. I’m all in.”

“See?” Jade said. “If we get rid of him there will be more jobs for all of us.”

“So what’s the plan?” Electriphant asked, raising a pencil in his trunk to take notes. “Weaknesses? Allergies?”

“I’ve been working on how to get Boxman out of the way,” Jade Heart said, grinning.

“He’s stronger than he looks,” Doctor Barbarian said, thoughtfully. “Apparently you can hide a lot of muscle under a tub of lard.”

“Under control,” Jade said. “And believe me, I know. I’ve got surveillance of him lifting an entire sports car.” She brought up the photo to show them.

Doctor Barbarian whistled. “Nice wheels. What’s it doing near Boxman?”

“No idea,” Jade Heart admitted. “I’ve seen that car in his garage a couple times, but not every day. Must be a client.”

Electriphant was frowning, his craggy forehead pulled down over his eyes. “You got pictures in the garage?”

“Just that one. I lost the drone after that. It, uh, mysteriously exploded.”

“So he knows he’s being watched!”

“He’s a villain! I’m sure he’s _used_ to being watched.”

Electriphant muttered something under his breath, and Doctor Barbarian started twirling a strand of her blowout around her finger.

“How do we get in?” she asked. “More importantly, how do we get _out?_ ”

“All covered.” Jade said, flapping a hand to shoo away their worries. “I’ve got good shots through all the windows, and me and Electriphant both know our way around a robotics lab.”

“Uh, counterpoint,” Electriphant said, waving his trunk. “I’m an electrician.”

“You’ll still understand the lab!”

“I’m not a scientist, I’m a _tradesman._ ”

“Uh… oh.” Jade Heart considered that. “Well… that was why I wanted to bring you in on this. If we’re going to sabotage his lab-”

“Is _that_ what we’re doing?” Barb exclaimed. “I thought we were just going to, you know.” She mimed a noose and made a choking sound.

“No! I still respect him as a professional, I just want him out of the way!”

Barb shrugged. “I respect lots of people I’ve ganked.”

“Some of us have a code of ethics!”

Barb and Electriphant both looked at her like she’d grown an extra eye.

“It’s not a _long_ code.”

To get them back on track, Jade Heart started going over her plan. It wasn’t complicated – it didn’t need to be – and the more egos you had involved the better it was to allow wiggle room. Jade would find and take out Boxman while the other two made their way into the lab and took it apart.

“Just the production lab?” Electriphant asked when they got to that step.

“What? Yes. That’s what will put him out of work for a while.”

“What about R&D? Or his personal experiments?”

“What about them? Okay, if he has a separate research room that might be good to destroy too, but-”

“I’m just saying,” Electriphant said, slowly, “might be some interesting stuff he hasn’t put on the market yet.”

There was a moment while the two women considered his words.

“Not that… I _need_ to steal someone else’s work,” Doctor Barbarian said.

“Oh no, no, of course not.”

“I mean, just for new ideas,” Jade said. “Might be interesting.”

“Might be interesting,” Barb agreed.

And with that, they moved on.

Once Jade Heart had finished her outline, Doctor Barbarian and Electriphant didn’t hold back on the questions. For the most part, Jade didn’t mind. They wanted to be prepared. But she didn’t like the unspoken implication that they didn’t trust her information. Jade was the one who’d done the stalk- scouting! She was the one who put the work in! If they didn’t like it, they could do their own. It didn’t matter _who_ took Boxman down as long as _someone_ did.

Although since it was Jade’s idea, it was only fair if she carried it out.

“Who else is involved?” Doctor Barbarian asked.

“Just us three. Too many people rushing around would-”

“No, no,” Barb shook her head. “We need at least one more.”

“No way!”

“We can’t be only three!”

“Why not?”

“Boxman builds robots. Who knows how many he can have operational at the same time!”

“So? You and Electriphant-”

“Oh we’re good, and the two of us together could hold off an _army,_ but who’s going to smash up the lab while we’re busy fighting?”

Electriphant nodded. “If you’re gonna be occupied with Boxman, we need one more.”

“Someone with a background in robotics, or at least engineering,” Barb added.

Jade rubbed her forehead. “Seriously? You guys have no idea how long it took for me to decide you were the best ones for this.”

“So you’ve got others in mind?”

“There’s one,” she admitted. “Open Wound.”

Almost in unison, they both groaned. “No!” Barb exclaimed.

“Not them!” Electriphant said.

“They’re a creep!”

“What kind of villain name is _Open Wound?_ ”

“There’s a reason _they_ don’t have any clients.”

“Plus,” Electriphant said, leaning closer to the camera, “I’m pretty sure they’re like twelve under that suit.”

Jade clapped her hands and then spread them. “Open Wound may or may not be completely nuts-”

“ _May?_ ”

“-but they know their way around a robot! There isn’t anybody better!”

“What about Miss Chievous?” Electriphant suggested.

“Prison.”

“Phorus?” Barb said.

“Space.”

“Mas Terr?”

“Unstuck in time.”

“What about-”

“I thought about this, okay? Everybody who would benefit from this _and_ cooperate with us is either unavailable, or… Open Wound.”

They groaned again.

“I’m not happy about it either! Why do you think I only asked you two?”

“Well… I really do think we need a fourth,” Electriphant said, reluctance coloring his every word. “If only for team dynamics. You’re the leader, I’m the brains, the doctor is the brawn, and Open Wound can be the wild card.”

Jade Heart decided not to point out that they all qualified for “brains.” With his experience as an electrician, Electriphant wasn’t wrong that he had the most specialized expertise for a sabotage job. Even if it hurt to admit.

“Look on the bright side,” Barb said. “They might say no.”

Open Wound said yes.

They’d all met up just beside the construction site, dark and quiet in the middle of the night. There was security, but it was all pretty obvious and Jade Heart knew how to stay away from it. All of them were dressed for stealth instead of in their usual villain outfits. All except for Open Wound.

They were dressed head to toe in glossy red armor. The face was a featureless mask and the limbs were slightly too long, making them look unsettlingly inhuman. The only concession to their sneaking mission was a black hoodie, too tight in the shoulders and too short in the arms.

“I got here first,” Open Wound said. “I watched you all come.” Their voice was robotic, but Jade Heart had no idea if that was an affectation or if they were really mechanical. It would explain a few things.

Instead of exchanging pleasantries, Jade Heart decided to jump right in. “I’ve been surveilling for a couple hours now. The production line is switched off, Boxman was in his bedroom for a while but then he went to his personal lab.”

“So we can’t raid it until you’ve incapacitated him,” Electriphant said, and Jade nodded in confirmation.

“Incapacitated as in incapacitated?” Open Wound said. “Or,” they put an armored finger to their throat and dragged it to the side, “’ _incapacitated?_ ‘”

“Incapacitated as in 'I have a net gun,'” Jade Heart snapped. “No murder!”

“I was just asking.”

“Well don’t.”

“Okay.”

First things first, Jade handed out their gear. “I made these so we can keep in touch.”

Little radios, clipped onto the collars of their shirts, where they could hit the button with their chin if a hand wasn’t free. Originally Jade had wanted earpieces, but Electriphant would need a custom fit, and nobody knew if Open Wound even _had_ ears.

“We’ll be going through a window in the back,” Jade said. “It’s about twenty feet off the ground. Doctor?”

Barb hefted her favorite spear over her shoulder. A coil of rope was strapped onto her hip, already tied to the end of the massive pole. “Not a problem.”

“Good. Everyone knows what they’re doing?”

They all nodded, except for Open Wound who appeared to be staring up at the night sky.

“Close enough. Let’s go.”

Getting in would be the hardest part, Jade thought. They might have to fight off robots, but Boxman’s personal bots were all small and childlike for some reason. Not that this meant they weren’t combat ready, but they’d hardly be a challenge for three accomplished villains.

She’d been right about the death traps, naturally. Doctor Barbarian deactivated the first one by running the mechanism through with her spear, and Electriphant handled the next two with his powers. Open Wound kept scanning for any unusual concentration of electronics in the walls, which got them all the way through to the main factory.

Somehow they hadn’t set off an alarm yet. Maybe Boxman was cocky, or he only set them up for certain areas. It didn’t mean they could let their guard down.

“You guys go down the hall,” Jade hissed. “The doors should be obvious. I’ll radio once I’ve got Boxman netted so you won’t have to worry about stealth anymore.”

“Unless there’s more traps,” Open Wound said, in a normal speaking volume. “And then you can only worry for about point-two seconds before it takes your head off.”

“Great, good contribution Open Wound,” Jade said, rolling her eye. “Anyway, don’t do any smashing until my signal.”

The other three nodded, and their group split apart.

Boxman’s small lab was a floor up from the production line, and Jade Heart was fairly sure it butted against the wide open space so he could watch the work being done. Jade could appreciate the sense of it. The ever-present danger of the boss’s eye was a good way to keep those little childbots in line.

Jade took her time going up the stairs and down the hall. Nothing seemed out of place. Nowhere _she_ would have put a trap. When she got to the lab she waited for a moment, listening, and finally reached out and turned the knob.

The door wasn’t locked. Boxman was sitting with his back to it, flipping a page back and forth as he drew a diagram on wax paper.

“I’m almost done,” Boxman said without turning. “Go back to bed.”

He must have thought she was one of the childbots. No wonder there wasn’t security up here if they were allowed to wander around freely.

Jade Heart grinned, and stabilized her net cannon on her hip. “I think it’s going to be a while.”

She fired without waiting for him to respond. As much fun as it would be to see his shocked face, he might have a weapon nearby and fast enough reflexes to get a shot off.

Boxman was thrown back, grunting as he hit the edge of the table, then struggled for a moment against the thick cords of the net until he fell off his bench and hit the floor.

Jade laughed as she slung her cannon on her back. She hit the button on her radio and announced,“I’ve got him! Boxman is captured. Go nuts.”

There was a distant whoop through the glass of the observation window, and she heard Electriphant trumpet in triumph. Then, almost immediately, came the sound of crunching metal. They weren’t wasting any time.

“Jade Heart?” Boxman said, tugging cables away from his organic eye. “What is this?”

“Just a little thing I threw together,” Jade said, brimming with pride. “Weighted and electromagnetic. Right now it’s sticking to both your skull, and itself. You’re not getting up until I decide to let you.”

“I knew _that,_ ” Boxman huffed. “That’s obvious. I mean what are you doing _here?_ Why are you- What did I ever do to you?”

“Oh Lad,” Jade said with mocking sweetness. “This isn’t _personal._ You’re in the way, that’s all. You’re taking away clients that other people could use!”

“You’re trying to… steal my business?”

“We’re trying to _ruin_ your business,” Jade corrected, punctuated by a loud crash from the window. “Not for good! Just for long enough that we can grab a foothold of our own.”

“I’m not doing _that_ well,” Boxman said. “Half my clients are investors, so they don’t pay for their regular shipments.”

“You have _investors?_ ” Jade exclaimed.

Boxman smirked. “Okay, I didn’t say I was doing _badly._ ”

There was another crash, and a squeal of machinery.

“You’re making a mistake, Jade Heart,” Boxman said, a growl to his voice.

“You think I haven’t thought this through? There’s nothing you can do to all four of us that won’t be worth it, once we’re making money.”

“Four?” Boxman said. “Who else did you actually convince to join you on this harebrained scheme?”

Bristling, Jade listed them off without thinking. It wouldn’t matter if he knew them, there was surely security footage down there, and Electriphant at least left very _distinctive_ damage when he worked.

“Doctor Barbarian, Electriphant, and,” she couldn’t quite keep up the smugness as she said the last name, “Open Wound.”

“ _Open Wound?_ ” Boxman repeated. “Who- _What_ is that?”

“They’ve been on the scene for almost a year now! I suppose _Lord_ Boxman doesn’t have time to pay attention to the newbie villains anymore.”

“What kind of name is _Open Wound?_ ”

Jade’s shoulders slumped. “I know, I don’t know.”

“I mean where’s the class?”

She shook her head helplessly.

The lights in the lab flickered - probably Electriphant’s doing - and an alarm started blaring, discordant and harsh.

“Uh-oh,” Boxman said, at the same time as Jade’s radio crackled and she heard Doctor Barbarian’s voice say, “Whoops.”

“It’s fine,” Jade said. “There’s nothing he can do about it now.”

Boxman’s was making a face beneath the net. Gritting his teeth in something like worry. “You should let me go.”

“Not a chance.”

“You _really_ want me to turn that alarm off.”

“Please,” Jade scoffed, tossing her locs. “I’ve seen those robots of yours. We can handle whatever you can throw at us.”

Boxman shrugged as best he could. “I warned you.”

The fact that Boxman wasn’t frightened was excusable. They knew each other socially, and had always gotten along well enough. No doubt he knew she wasn’t out for blood.

But he could at least pretend to be _cowed_ a little. Here she was, invading his home, taking him utterly by surprise, rendering him all but helpless! That deserved some respect!

Jade shifted her stance and rested a hand on her hip, just above the holster strapped to her thigh. “ _You_ don’t give the warnings here, Box. I’m the one with the gun.”

“Hey, I’m just being civil. You happen to have caught me in a good mood. Besides,” he grinned, showing off his fangs, “this isn’t going to go your way no matter what I do. Might as well relax and enjoy it.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Just because I’ve got delays doesn’t mean my clients will come crawling to you!” Boxman’s face twisted into an almost animal snarl. “Everything I have I have because I _made_ it.”

“You’ll have worse than _delays_ by the time we’re done.”

“Even if you _could_ ruin me completely, it won’t fix whatever you’re missing!”

Jade folded her arms, blowing air through her nose. The still-blaring alarms were only making her short-tempered. “I think you misunderstand. This is about leveling the playing field, nothing more.” She leaned forward. “But… I could see to leaving it a little unbalanced if you’re willing to play along.”

The snarl hadn’t faded, but there was curiosity in his voice as he said, “Play how?”

“Drop my name to your clients. If they need something you can’t provide, or their friends can’t afford you. If we withdraw right now-”

Boxman burst out laughing. “You- you think I would _help_ you? After what you’ve done?”

“If we withdraw right now, that’s less for you to fix! Less time you’ll be out of business!”

“Jade Heart, I will _never_ do _anything_ for you after this. I wouldn’t shout at you to stop you from getting hit by a truck! I wouldn’t give you water in a desert! I wouldn’t-”

She dropped her hand to her holster. The bolt pistol was set to stun, but Boxman didn’t know that. “You should think about your options here.”

“ _You_ should have thought more about ticking off a villain!”

“I’m thinking fine!” Jade snapped. She could think better if this stupid alarm would-

And just like that, it stopped. Jade let out a sigh of relief, and it hardly reduced the feeling when it was Open Wound’s voice which said, “I found it. In the walls.”

“Good job,” Barb said. One or both of them must have left their radios on.

“Only the speaker system though.”

Boxman swore. “That was custom!”

Jade pressed the radio button with her chin, keeping her hands where she could draw either weapon with ease. “Guys, I’m negotiating here. Remember to turn your mics off.”

“You have to turn it off?” Barb asked. “What kind of system is that?”

“I didn’t want to have to remind you guys to say 'over’ all the time.”

“We know our walkie-talkie etiquette!”

“Hey guys?” Open Wound said.

Jade ignored them. “I didn’t say walkie-talkies, I said radios! For radio communication!”

“Everybody knows that’s a colloquial usage!” Barb said. “You have to explain stuff before we go in!”

“I _didn’t_ though, because it was fine up until now!”

“Guys?”

“I’m just saying it’s as easy as 'this is the on-off button’ instead of 'this is the push-to-talk button!’ That’s all you needed to-”

She was cut off by a scream. For a second Jade wasn’t sure who was the one doing the screaming, until it turned into a bellow of rage and the unmistakable sound of Doctor Barbarian’s famous thunder thighs.

Argument forgotten, Jade cried out “Barb!” and ran to the observation window. It took a second to find them in the chaos. Open Wound had climbed halfway up the wall with a makeshift rig, Electriphant was charging through a pile of broken machinery, and there was Barb not far from the entrance, sparring with some strange man.

He looked ordinary from up here. Tall, dark hair, skintight black pants and a white shirt loosely tucked into them. The big boots looked vaguely familiar, but nothing else.

As she watched, Barb stabbed her spear into the floor and spun around it, snapping her legs together so that the impact made the man stumble back. He withstood it surprisingly well; most people would have been knocked flat. All the same, it looked like Barb wasn’t going to have trouble, until the man lunged at her the moment her feet were back on the ground. They struggled for a moment, Barb let go her spear in order to kick him, but the man dropped and rolled under it, plucking the spear from the ground at the same time. He barely seemed to glance up before he threw it across the room, piercing Open Wound’s climbing rig and sending him crashing to the floor.

“Who _is_ that?” Jade asked, stunned.

“How should I know?” Boxman said, not even bothering to sound sincere. “I can’t see from down here.”

“I didn’t think you were the hired goon type,” Jade said.

“I’m not.”

Electriphant had closed in. He gave a warning trumpet before stomping his massive feet, and two of his spark clones jumped off his body. The strange man was still fighting with Barb hand-to-hand, but he managed to dodge the first clone as it grabbed for him, and thrust a handful of wires into the second. They must have been conductive, because the spark clone was immediately dissipated by the completed circuit. A smart move.

“Or is that an… apprentice of some kind? A partner?”

“Still no idea what you’re looking at.”

Jade sighed, and swung her net cannon around to fiddle with the settings. She hadn’t been planning to use this more than once, so it hadn’t been a priority to make it easier to use after it was already deployed.

With the strength of the electromagnets turned down, Boxman could de-tangle his feet enough to stand up. He completely ignored the bolt pistol Jade pointed at him until he was at the window, pressing his nose against the glass to look down.

Electriphant’s remaining clone was hovering around the outskirts as Doctor Barbarian and the strange man fought. Both of them kept dodging the other’s blows, both of them apparently very used to fighting. Just as Jade started to turn back to Boxman, she saw the man manage to grab Barb’s forearm as she swung a punch, dropping onto his back and planting a foot on her stomach as he flipped her over his entire body and straight into the spark clone. She cried out – briefly – and collapsed.

“Partner was closest,” Boxman said, grinning. “That’s my… Well… That’s this guy I’ve been seeing. We’re keeping things casual, not worrying about labels.”

“You’re _dating_ him?” Jade exclaimed. They were on the second story looking down, but even from here Jade could see the guy was about four times too hot for Boxman. Heck, this guy was too hot for _her._

“I wouldn’t say dating,” Boxman said. “Not like we go _out._ ”

And there was the fact that he was here in the middle of the night, which meant… “Oh _._ ”

Boxman was still grinning.

“Gross,” Jade said.

“Can it.”

The man – Boxman’s, ugh, _lover_ – was surrounded by Electriphant and three more clones. Jade could see the strain on his face, knowing that three out of his four opponents were almost literally untouchable. He was naturally concentrating his efforts on the one that wasn’t, but hopefully he didn’t know they’d automatically disappear if Electriphant lost concentration.

“Who _is_ he? How is he this good?” Jade asked.

“Like I’d tell you that. I told you, it’s casual, we don’t want it getting out.”

Jade glanced at him. “Seriously?”

“I mean…” Boxman’s brow creased beneath his flattened hair. “I _assume_ he doesn’t want it out. That’s something else we haven’t talked about.”

The man dodged between two clones, causing them to run into each other and cancel their charge.

“He knows his science.”

“Hey, I have standards.”

“Do you?” Jade said. “Because it’s kinda sounding like this guy is using you.” Which didn’t make sense, but that was certainly the picture she was getting.

Boxman sighed. “It’s complicated, okay?”

“Do you even plan when he’s going to come over, or does he just show up?”

“He calls ahead… usually.”

The man dissipated the last clone with another judicious use of Boxman’s broken machines – who could have predicted their sabotage would be used against them? Only Electriphant himself was left now, and few people knew how long it took him to recharge his clones.

“You deserve better than that,” Jade said, absently.

In a surprised tone, Boxman said, “Thanks, Jade.”

Jade’s radio crackled. Static corrupted the sound, as though the broadcast was coming from a damaged device. Movement caught Jade’s eye, falling rubble near the wall, where Open Wound had dropped.

Unfortunately it wasn’t only Jade who’d noticed. The man kept moving back and forth, forcing Electriphant to follow him, clearly trying to tire him out. And as the rubble fell aside and Open Wound stood up, the man veered off in their direction. He barely broke stride as he scooped up a piece of masonry and threw it straight at Open Wound’s face.

“Get away from the pachid- _erff!_ ”

Open Wound staggered but didn’t fall, cracks spreading across the front of their helmet. They brought their hands up, maybe to hold it on, but the pieces dropped away as soon as their fingers touched them.

Beneath that red faceless mask, Open Wound’s face was round, soft, and unmistakably like twelve.

“Wait!” they exclaimed, but the man didn’t. He punched them straight in the nose, knocking them back into the rubble. He pressed a foot to their throat, and only then – now that he had a hostage – did Jade see the set of his shoulders relax, ever so slightly.

“Change your name,” the man said. It was distorted by Open Wound’s radio, but his voice was smooth and deep. Whoever he was, he paid better attention to the new villains than Boxman did.

Electriphant was swaying from exhaustion, Doctor Barbarian was out for the count, and Open Wound was at the strange man’s mercy. There was only one way to level _this_ playing field.

“Come on,” Jade said, pulling her pistol and grabbing Boxman’s arm.

“What? No!”

“Fair’s fair.”

“How is this fair? You invaded my home!”

Jade ignored him, dragging him out of the lab and down the hall, where there had to be an entrance to the overlooking catwalk. It took two wrong doors, since Boxman refused to help, but finally Jade kicked open the right one and yanked her hostage out to where the man would be able to see them.

Unfortunately, things had changed in the couple minutes she wasn’t watching. Open Wound looked unconscious, and the strange man was back to hounding Electriphant. He’d managed to make another spark clone, flickering and weak. The man wasn’t even paying any attention to it.

Before Jade could say anything, the man stretched his hand up toward the catwalk without looking.

“Gun!” he snapped.

“Oh, sure,” Boxman said. Jade wondered what he meant, a second before her bolt pistol was plucked from her hand.

“Hey!”

As if the net was nothing but string, Boxman hurled Jade’s bolt pistol of the catwalk to the man. He caught it and immediately spun around and shot Electriphant between the eyes.

Jade felt her heart stop in her chest. A quick thump had the thing humming again, but the shock remained. Her gun had, after all, be on stun. Electriphant would be fine. That wouldn’t have been enough to knock him out if he hadn’t already stretched himself thin. But the fact remained that in less than fifteen minutes this man – and Boxman – had taken down their entire team.

At least… their entire team but her. The man looked up at her, his eyes narrowed, and without shame Jade took off running. She could be out the nearest window with minimal injury and disappear into the night. She could-

She felt something strike the back of her head, and saw stars.

When Jade Heart next opened her eyes, the stars were still spinning above her. Only the ache in the back of her head told her she was conscious, and only the sound of hushed voices told her something had changed.

“Ow,” she said.

A face leaned over her. A distinctly non-comforting one, given that it was sporting two black eyes and a still-bleeding nose.

“Jade Heart is awake,” Open Wound said. Without the robotic modification, their voice was a little squeaky and surprisingly gentle.

“Jade!” Barb’s strong hands grabbed her and hauled her up for a hug. Despite her swimming vision, Jade saw that they were outside next to the construction site again.

“Ow. What happened?”

“We all got dumped across the road, I guess,” Barb said. “Uh… on the opposite side of where we were.”

She was right, Jade realized as she looked around. That meant a long walk all the way around the site before they got back to their rides.

Barb’s hair was a mess. Open Wound was pressing a paisley handkerchief to their nose. Electriphant’s nose and ears were drooping so much they looked like they were melting. And judging from the brown blur at the edges of Jade’s vision, there was a very real chance she had a concussion. All in all, not exactly the victory she’d planned for.

“I’m sorry, everybody.”

“It’s not your fault,” Barb said quickly. “I didn’t think Boxman was the hired goon type.”

“He wasn’t-”

Boxman had said it was a secret. And though Jade didn’t know the guy’s name, telling the others would lead to rumors. They were in deep enough trouble without adding to Boxman’s grudge.

“I mean, I didn’t think he was either.”

Open Wound sniffed. “At least we won.”

Everyone looked at them. “Won?” Jade repeated.

“Didn’t we? We did what we came for. The production line is all smashed up and Boxmore will have to close for repairs.”

Electriphant’s ears perked up a little. “You’re not wrong. And I did get some pictures of blueprints and schematics.”

“Huh.” Jade felt herself start to smile. “Maybe not a win, but definitely not a loss!”

“Gonna be feeling that kick in my ribs for a while,” Barb said, pressing her hands to her back as she stretched. “And I think your spark clone fried my ends, Phanty.”

“Sorry about that.”

As they all started to climb – shakily – to their feet, everyone’s eyes kept drifting to Open Wound.

“Should we take you to a hospital?” Barb asked.

Open Wound touched their nose carefully. “I don’t think it’s broken. Would I be able to tell?”

“I don’t know, I’m not that kind of doctor. But… won’t your parents freak out if you come home looking like that?”

They shook their head. “Mom’s in prison, and Dad’s in space. My big sister is in charge, and she said this would be a learning experience for me.”

“I think it was for all of us.”

Jade saw Electriphant frown thoughtfully. “You know, it just occurred to me. I wonder how that guy knew your gun was set to stun, Jade?”

“Uh… I don’t think he did.”

“Oh. Good thing you’re such a softie, then.”

“Oh… shut up.” Jade gave him a light sock, and he laughed.

All in all, not the worst night she’d ever had.

“Hey guys?” Open Wound said, softly.

“What?” Jade asked.

“Should I change my villain name?”

The three adults sighed in relief, and immediately began suggesting alternatives.

* * *

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Laserblast asked, for the third time tonight.

“I’m fine,” Boxman assured him, waving off the blanket he tried to offer. “I was never in any _real_ danger. Jade Heart’s old school; she’ll betray her fellow villain but she’d never _kill_ one. That wasn’t trying to kill her first.”

“I can’t believe I slept through a break-in. What kind of hero can’t even protect his- his host?”

There he went, avoiding labels again. _Some_ day Boxman would have to bring that up, but he was too tired tonight.

“You did protect me! If you hadn’t been here I would have had to listen to them gloating for cob knows _how_ long. I might have let something slip just to get them to shut up.”

Laser’s expression lightened – a little. “The worst torture of all, huh? Boredom.”

“Absolutely.”

He gave a brief smile, and leaned over to kiss Boxman on the mouth. “If something happened to you, I wouldn’t stop until everyone who had a hand in it was dead at my feet.”

“You’re sweet,” Boxman told him, sincerely. “But I don’t know why you’re so worried. I can take care of myself.”

“I know, but… your lab. If I’d woken up sooner, maybe-”

“What, that?” Boxman laughed. “You think I don’t have backups? I can have everything up and running in 24 hours.”

Laser’s eyes went wide. “You have doubles of- of your whole production line?”

“With how often I blow things up? I have _triples_ of most of it.” He attempted to tap his head and poked his eyelid. “Ow. Because I’m smart!”

Laserblast chuckled. “You’re a _genius._ ”

“I’m a _tired_ genius. Can we go to bed already?”

“Are you sure you’re-”

“ _I’m okay!_ And if it’ll make you feel better, you can use me as a pillow like you usually end up doing anyway.”

Laser smiled, but he finally got up and started in the direction of the bedroom. “Like it’s my fault for loving your body.”

“I’m just saying. You’re a sleep-clinger.”

“You’re warm,” Laserblast said, unashamed.

“So that’s what this has all been about. You can’t sleep without latching on to someone else’s body heat.”

He laughed. “You got me. I totally didn’t fall for your brain and your personality at all. It was just about having a personal heater.”

“I knew it!”


End file.
